EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE

I found this quite interesting. Try this with one of your bosses and tell me how it goes. Good luck! :)

One-in-five admit to making up fake excuses to explain their tardiness. Hiring managers provided the following 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered for arriving late to work:

1. I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother to get out of bed.
2. I had to take my cat to the dentist.
3. I went all the way to the office and realized I was still in my pajamas and had to go home to change.
4. I saw that you weren't in the office, so I went out looking for you.
5. I couldn't find the right tie, so I had to wait for the stores to open so I could buy one.
6. My son tried to flush our ferret down the toilet and I needed to tend to the ferret.
7. I ran over a goat.
8. I stopped for a bagel sandwich, the store was robbed and the police required everyone to stay for questioning.
9. A bee flew in my car and attacked me and I had to pull over.
10. I wet my pants and went home to change.

Source:Careerbuilder.com

SAFARICOM GROW UP!

Right now am not at all amused with this network that made some crazy profit and then came up with the most ridiculous idea of free talk time.

Have you tried calling from around 8pm? The bloody calls do not go through. Then my bonga points are not adding up anymore. Am really pissed!

This is just to beat Celtel but Safaricom i got news for you! Its actually a blessing in disguise for Celtel. Why?
First of all you are about to lose me as your client.
Second, Celtel has become far cheaper than you.
Third, Celtel is never congested and their coverage is far much better than yours.
Fourth, do not get me started on your share allocation. WTF! You give us 21%. Everyone is entitled to the 2,000 shares that you so diligently advertised as the least one can buy so thats the least we expect. Some of us put a great deal of money so we expected good returns.

Michael Joseph you are probably one of the best CEO's this country has ever seen but some of the decisions you make do not go well with "peculiar calling habits" of Kenyans as you once said. This offer is going to last for a month! A month of pain and suffering. What if I get sick and I need urgent help? What if my neighbour has robbers in her house but through a phonecall she can save herself but thanks to Safcom she cannot call? What if there is an emergency at home and i need to get my parents? What if.....
What if you can scrap the free offer and we continue paying for our calls?

We do not need free calls coz your system cannot handle the 10million subscribers at all!

18 till i die!!

Hey i gave u this storo last year and unless i was born twice...i stick by it!!!


Smiling coyly at him, he was taken by her. It was love at first sight. He thot to himself, “God, did u just drop your wife from heaven. Just know that was the biggest mistake you did.” Dressed in a black dress and matching shoes, she looked really hot. The fact that she was ‘yellow’ did not help matters. Beautiful was an understatement. Miss Pretty was looking yummy and Daddy Yankee was flabbergasted. When he managed to utter some words it was, “Hello, let’s take a walk”…hehee. Miss Pretty giggles and is drawing all sorts of maps with her eyes. She even managed to draw the eighth continent!! “Where did this TDH come from?”

After that many more dates followed and they were both smitten. They fell head over heels in love with each other and no moment passed without one of them making it clear to the other. Daddy yankee was mesmerized.

One day they are taking a walk and Daddy Yankee gets on his knees and asks, “Will u marry me Princess?” Miss Pretty who had dreamt of this moment since the tyme she laid eyes on him answers ecstatically, “Yes my love I will.” Daddy Yankee and Miss Pretty follow all traditional customs of dowry and other gibberish required. They become husband and wife and move in together. Daddy yankee had put up a big house in the hope that he would get a wife soon and sure enuf he had landed himself an angel. Two years down the line they were madly in love and something spectacular happened.

“Get me outta here…” Baby Nameless twirled in the womb was tired of waiting any more. This was the ninth month and there were no signs of being let out. “How many friggin months will I be in here, TWELVE?” Baby was clearly devastated. To unleash her anger she kicked so hard that Miss Pretty let out a scream. Baby was beside herself with joy. “Maybe if I kick harder she’ll let me out of this stomach…did u just have pumpkin for lunch…yuck!!!” Baby kicks again ad Miss Pretty, clearly in pain lets out a scream. “Hehee…that’s what u get for keeping me here for nine months…Get me the fuckout!” Baby kicks again and is rolling on the womb laughing …

Miss Pretty is worried. Labour pains and baby is kicking so hard…”Daddy Yankeeeeeeee. I think my water is about to break” Daddy yankee in the bedroom glued to his newspaper says, “How can the water break when I have built a strong concrete tank. It’s the best in this town u know” He throws the newspaper on the bed and walks 2 the sitting room…”Whats with the sneer woman?”… Mrs Yankee filled with Pregnancy rage screams, “I don’t mean that water…you…you…just get the car and get me to hospital like NOW!!!” Daddy yankee finally realizes what is going on and dashes out to get the car. “Hang on love…our baby is comin” Daddy Yankee jumps up n down as he heads for the garage.
Baby now confused wonders what is going on out there. Too much commotion. Tired of kicking baby decides to relax and take a nap.

“Push Push…” Baby is awakened from her deep slumber. “What am I supposed 2 push? I cant push I can only kick.” Baby kicks so hard that Miss Pretty lets out a shrill. Still the same voices saying, “Push push…” In a minute baby is moving and excitement is registered on her face. “Finally am out of this womb pit…”

“WTF!! Who are these people?” Baby looks around and four people are looking at her. “Quit staring at me. What do I look like, a baby rat! Sheesh!...Woman (looking at her mum) funga mlango kibaki anapita”….The doctor announces it’s a baby gal and everyone in the room is excited esp daddy yankee. He takes her from the nurse and kisses her forehead before handing her to Mrs Yankee. “ She’s so adorable”. Baby looks up at her mum, “Hey baby mama. It was disgusting in there, Am sure glad 2 be out. Why u all big like that anyway?”

Doctor asks, “So what are you going to call her?” Mrs Yankee looks at Daddy Yankee smiling and says, “Unyc” .

And so Unyc was born on 22nd February _ _ _ _(jijazie).

PEACE...

Happy New Year everyone...well not so happy...

The Post-election aftermath has caught many unawares and many have fallen victim to the killers and arsonists in different parts of the country. Some of my close relatives in Nakuru and Eldoret have not being spared either and all we do is hope and pray that PEACE is going to prevail real soon. What happened to the spirit of neighbourliness? When did your neighbour start shedding luo, kikuyu or kalenjin blood? Is poverty leading to people using the elections as a means to express their anger? What is going on?

Am happy with the way Kofi Annan handled the situation. Getting the two leaders to shake hands to me was quite a big step. There was renewed hope. At least i want to believe so. Kenyans should embrace each other and go back to the way we were before, brothers and sisters. We have been for long time an example in maintaining peace. God forbid, none of us wants to head to the way that Rwanda did. We can do better. We are ambassadors of peace World over.

Let's pray for Peace.

Let's uphold Peace.

Let's preach Peace.

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I was deprived of my sweet freedom to offer my undivided attention to my blog. Last time with the 'Vocabulary unleashed' was just a way to entice myself to blog. I know I left an unfinished story but I purely blame guest blogger (ulienda wapi kwanza).

Last year was good and i experienced so much. I think it was my most challenging year ever!! Experiences that I have gone through and others that I have witnessed have given me a new oulook on life.

There were some great movies, (Blood Diamond, Last king of Scotland, Transformers etc)

and some of my favourites scooping awards. Others were just dull and did not meet the hype that was all about them.

Then i met a wonderful man (mwaah), got a new job, continued to experience God's grace and did some travelling in different places with the best being ...think Queen Elizabeth's trip to Kenya ages ago...precious place.

Ofcourse there were the downs like losing family friends to one Matheri. I still wonder if they said he was a good person at his funeral. Why can't people just give the real truth. If Unyc was a b****, say it! I will not haunt you...or will I? The crazy ass politics that has led to all hell had some side shows of its own. The ads...the ad agencies must be wallowing in the miasma of the cheddar. You thot Kencell (now Celtel) had some mad compe with the Safcom but PNU and ODM take the Unyrammy Award.

I hope you all have good year...blog, blog and blog!!

Shout out to Don Q....gr8 to have you back dear!

Vocab Unleashed...





“In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosa. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune rabblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity”.




In short "Be brief and don't use big words!!!!"

Vocab Unleashed...


“In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosa. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune rabblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity”.


In short "Be brief and don't use big words!!!!"

SEEMS LIKE FOREVER...


To say i have missed blogging wld be an understatement. I hate being away for this long especially coz i had not planned for it. Am still settling at my new job and so far so good.

Then i come back to find some serious spaming in my blog. any1 with advice on how 2 deal with that? For now its comment moderation.

I have some serious catching up from all the wonderful blogs from u guyz.

I'll be back with a post yenye iko na kichwa na miguu.

Continue PaNUaing and cOnDoMing... :)

What an Ad!


Is it just me or are the safcom ad for the Kwachua promotion totally annnoying. This is both on Radio and TV and trust me everytyme i watch it or hear it on air i feel like i wonna loose it. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!! ok i do loose it!

The TV one for example is just so fake riverwood would clearly do a better job than that. The ad would have been done by an amateur for all i know. A company like safcom who have in the past used adverts that make u 'wow' have definitely not done that with the Kwachua ad. There is an ad they did for the shinda milioni with the cucu doing a serious stunt. NOw that was really creative! This kwachua one they have a cucu jumping maasai style and a notch higher is just fake and boring! Just coz the first cucu was gr8 doesn't mean they should use cucu's again. Be creative like the matau poa ad where they used a trash bin n all.

Then the radio one...the song......wuuuiii (ya'll scream with me).....take it off air pliiiz!!!
The Celtel ad for shuka shuka tariff on radio where they have used the banjuka song is also quite bad but kinda better than the safcom.

Whichever advertising firms they r using and the copywriters, they need 2 up their game coz they had set a class b4 which has quickly deteriorated in the current ads!!



......Havent started jobo yet because of a few papers am missing out so say a kasilent prayer for me.